highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
