when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
