just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You're like the curious george of whores
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
