I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
How's work?
Spinning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
as a side note pls kill me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
