Duck Duck Cougar?
honey bunches of taint.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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