they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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