its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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