Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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