I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
