I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
