If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
