woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
