someone threw a dead crab at me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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