the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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