It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
