We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
