Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
