I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
