I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the condom got lost in my hair
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
