You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
