Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
