remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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