someone get that fucking seahorse.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
