this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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