I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
