Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He passed out mid-signature
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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