I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
