True but thats because hes a fetus.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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