i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
