I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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