How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize