Small penises have feelings too.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just pee around me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
