Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
