He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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