I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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