I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
