They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
