Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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