i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
