Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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