don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
