Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
