I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
