You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Drake has all the answers
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
