what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize