Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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