Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
