I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he puts the penis in happiness.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize