i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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