And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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