My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
