Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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