I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
