I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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