And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize