does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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