Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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