You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
