this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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