He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
someone owes me an orgasm
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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