What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
