Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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