cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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