You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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