Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
