I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
