Will you blow on my dice?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
