I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
