he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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