sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
