dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
