Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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