im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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