I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize