I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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