Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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