what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
