You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
