dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
