I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
