They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize