There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
