Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
