Princesses don't give blow jobs
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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