Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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