Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
