i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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