Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
