Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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