His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
