i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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