my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize