ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
