bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
