Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
