Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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