last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
