Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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