Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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