I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't turn off my feet"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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