Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
