Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
